Ian McAdam

Last summer, our family travelled to England and Scotland and while in Scotland, we met up with a number of aunt, uncles, and cousins of mine. We spent a great evening with my cousin Ian and his wife Lesley at the racetrack in Hamilton – I wrote about it here (July 11). Last week, Ian passed away suddenly. He was only 45.

Ian was quite a character – charming and very outgoing with lots of personality, but not to the point of being obnoxious. Well, not usually, anyway. We didn't really know each other very well since we lived on different continents our whole lives, but whenever I saw him, he always treated me like we were best friends. I was unaccustomed to this. I grew up in Canada, while all my aunts, uncles, and cousins live in Scotland and England. Whenever I did travel to Scotland or they travelled here, there was always some awkwardness because we were family but didn't really know each other. Ian didn't care about that – we were cousins, and so when we were together, we were going to have a good time. The night we went to the racetrack, I think Ian felt like the host – this was his country and his town (he saw a few friends of his while we were there), and so he was going to make absolutely sure we had a great time. And he succeeded.

We were visiting my Aunt Sandra in the morning when Ian called looking for us. He suggested we go to the racetrack while Aunt Sandra babysat his girls and our boys. When we arrived at the racetrack, there were hundreds of other people there as well, and the lines for food were very long. We were hungry, but we didn't want to wait in the long lines, so we decided we'd get dinner later. We went and got our betting forms and some drinks, since the drink lines were much shorter. Ian and I got beer, Lesley got wine, and Gail just had water. Ian asked if she wanted wine or beer or something else instead but Gail said no because alcohol can affect the medication she takes for her diabetes. Gail has Type 2 diabetes and it's completely controlled by the medication – she doesn't need insulin shots, and she's pretty much free to have whatever food (sugary or not) that she wants. Once Ian heard that Gail was diabetic, he got an idea. He asked what Gail wanted to eat and Gail said that the BBQ pork sandwich sounded pretty good. Ian said "I'll be right back" and dashed off towards the food stand. He returned just a few minutes later with a couple of sandwiches and a couple of orders of fries chips. We asked how he got them so quickly with such a long lineup, and he just said "don't ask". We suspected that he had run up to the front of the line and shouted "I have a diabetic woman who needs food right now!", which was technically true, if a bit misleading – it's not like she was in danger of passing out if she didn't eat right away. Gail and I felt a little guilty eating when others were still waiting in line, but we were pretty hungry and the food was good so the guilt didn't last long.

My mother reminded me of a similar event that happened when Ian came to Canada as a teenager for a visit. We went on a day trip to Niagara Falls. While walking around Clifton Hill, Ian went into a candy shop, mainly because of the pretty girl behind the counter. He talked to her for a little while and managed to talk her into giving him free fudge, but not just a bite or two – he came out of the shop with fudge for all of us.

Ian was a big guy with a big personality and an even bigger heart. From our conversations that night, I know that Ian was very proud of his 20-year-old son Martin and adored his two little girls, Alexis (7) and Zarah (3). As I said we didn't know each other well, and he had only met Gail twice, but there was no question in my mind that Ian would have moved heaven and Earth to help us if we needed it, because we were family and that's all that mattered. I know he holds a special place in my sister's heart as well. He will be very much missed by his Canadian cousins.

And the winner for best soap box dispenser is...

While driving around town the other day, I spotted a local business sporting a new sign: "Your community's award-winning laundromat". I'm curious as to exactly what awards they won. I guess I've been remiss in my attention to the local laundromat awards.

When they "Your community", do they mean Waterdown, or is this Hamilton-wide? When and where was the ceremony? Is this a rent-the-Legion kind of event, or were they down at the Hamilton Convention Centre? Or Copps Coliseum? We get both the Hamilton and local Flamborough papers, and I don't remember mention of it, but maybe I just missed it. Must have happened while I was in hospital. Yeah, that's gotta be it.

I'm sure that Hamilton's A-list celebrities were all there – that would be star of stage and screen Martin Short, hoser Dave Thomas, Ti-Cats owner Bob Young, and sports journalist Stephen Brunt. And the bands Junkhouse and Teenage Head. Waterdown's A list might also have been there, consisting of... ummmm.... well, the guy that played Harold on the Red Green show used to live here, does that count? And I once saw the coach (at the time) of the Tiger-Cats in the local grocery store, but then he got fired and moved back to London.

Anyway, congratulations to Cedars Laundromat on their victory, and I look forward to seeing if they can make it two in a row at next year's Soapie Awards. Probably on pay-per-view.

You have won second prize in a beauty contest! Collect $1

Last week was our annual trip to Fern Resort, and this is my annual blog entry about it. Here is last year's entry. The unusual title of this article (rather than "Fern 2010") may make it harder to find, but its meaning will become clear later on. As usual, we went with our friends the Wadsworths, Wildeys, and Marshalls, and everyone had a great time. We're not exactly "set in our ways" quite yet, but there are a number of traditions that we have started to follow at Fern:

• we always meet up with the Wadsworths for lunch at Harvey's on the 400 at the Cookstown Outlet Mall on our way to Fern, and we always eat at Arby's in Orillia on the way home.
• Jeff and I (and usually Jerry) have a Caesar at dinner most nights.
• We always have two tables in the dining room, and we put the kids at one table and the adults at another.
• Gail and Kerri always get pedicures at the spa, though I think they're reconsidering that for next year.
• Jeff and I head over to Mary Lou's at least one night during the week after the kids are in bed (my kids, anyway – his stay up later but sleep in) to play pool and enjoy a couple of Alexander Keith's.
• We always go to see Jamie Williams when he plays. He puts on a fantastic show.
• The boys love to play bingo so we end up playing at least once every day. This year I won twice, Gail and Ryan each won once, and Nicky was very disappointed that he didn't win at all.

One of my goals for this week, given my recent health issues, was to be able to participate in the activities I wanted to without having to tell anyone about said issues. I didn't want to go to the beach volleyball or tennis court and have to leave after five minutes because I couldn't play. With one exception, I was able to do that. I played beach volleyball, water volleyball, tennis a couple of times, golf, "mushball", rode the pedal carts around the forest trails, and swam with Ryan for a little while. The one exception was the climbing wall. Before I started I told the people running it that I had had surgery a few months ago and wasn't sure how strong I was. I managed to make it about 1/3 of the way to the top before I lost confidence in my strength and decided to come back down. Nicky made it to about the same place as me, and Ryan zipped to the top. Both the boys tried (and completed) the "vertical playground", a climbing obstacle course with rope ladders and tires and stuff. I didn't try that one.

On Tuesday night, they had a new thing called Retro Night, which was quite innovative. They went through the 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's and played music from each decade. There were group participation events and the winners got special Retro Night money, similar to Canadian Tire money. There were four denominations, each with pictures of a different "icon": $1 (Darth Vader), 75c (Madonna), 50c (Jimi Hendrix), and 25c (Elvis). With the money, you could play various games where you could win more money, or you could buy candy, snacks, or root beer floats (yum – I had two). They had various dance events including the twist and the macarena and all participants got $1. They had a hula hoop event, where anyone who wanted to could try a hula hoop for 30 seconds, and they'd give you $1 just for trying. There were trivia questions and the first person to shout out the answer won $1. There were games like Twister, bean bag toss, and knocking down milk bottles, and you could win money that way too. It was a very neat idea, and lots of fun for everybody.

One of the highlights of the evening, for everyone else anyway, was the a particular contest. The host said that they were looking for three dads to volunteer for a contest, without saying the name of the contest or what it was about. Gail said that it looked like a trivia contest and that I should definitely get up there so I volunteered. Bad move. He announced the name of the contest - they were looking for Mr. Fern 2010, and at that point I wished I'd had a couple more Caesars at dinner. (Jeff came up to me after it was all over and asked "Did you learn anything from all this?" I answered "Yes - don't put your hand up when they ask for volunteers".) We had three tasks to perform and audience applause at the end would decide the winner. The first was a disco dance contest. I went second, and waved over to Ryan and Nicky to join me. Nicky declined but thank god Ryan came up and danced with me or I would have... um... looked silly. Never mind.

The second event was something I'd never seen before. We had to take a mouthful of water then tip our heads back and sing the chorus of Rock 'n Roll All Nite by Kiss. The first guy mainly spit the water all over himself and made some random sounds. I got the hang of it after a few seconds but kept choking on the water. The third guy nailed it - you could understand the words and everything. The third event was an air guitar contest. The first guy did pretty well, then as I took the stage, Gail mimed smashing the guitar a la Pete Townshend, so I did some standard air guitar, played it with my teeth and behind my head, then started smashing it on the floor to great applause. At the end, the crowd voted with their applause and thanks to my friends and family yelling as loud as they could for me, I came in second. The guy that won definitely deserved it though - he did really well at all three events. But for all that public humiliation, I was awarded one Retro Night dollar. Nicky did the macarena in the middle a huge crowd of other people doing the macarena, and he also earned one Retro Night dollar. One of us got seriously ripped off.

Don't you mean "waiter"?

While watching TV the other day, the word "barista" was mentioned. Ryan asked what it meant and I told him it was the person who makes you coffee at Starbucks. His response: "They have a whole word for that?"

Another NLL team failure

The Orlando Titans have announced that they will not be playing in the NLL in 2011. It sounds like they're trying to pull an Arizona Sting and simply sit out for a year, saying they'll be back in 2012. The Sting didn't actually return at all, and no team that has ever left the NLL has come back, so you'll excuse me if I don't hold my breath waiting for the triumphant return of the Titans. It should be noted that I predicted the demise of the Titans back in January.

The streak of not having two consecutive NLL seasons with the same teams continues, now at eighteen seasons. I've talked about this before, back in 2008 when the Chicago Shamrox folded. There's a list in that article of the team changes in the NLL since 1994, and you can add "2010: New York moved to Orlando, San Jose moved to Washington, removed Portland" and now "2011: Removed Orlando" to that list. It seems unbelievable to me that neither prospective owners nor the NLL itself seem to do the necessary market research to determine whether or not a team will be viable in a particular market. Updating the stats from my earlier article, we now have twenty-five teams that have either folded or moved since 1987, compared to eighteen teams in the NHL since 1917.

The dispersal draft was held today, and most of the Titans players were divvied out among the remaining teams. Patrick Merrill and Pat Maddalena were both named free agents by the league, thanks to a little-used NLL rule allowing players to opt out of dispersal drafts as long as they are named "Pat". The big winners, not surprisingly, were the teams that chose early – Colorado picked up goaltender Matt Vinc with the first overall pick and Jarett Park in the second round, while Boston now has the two most recent NLL MVP winners in Casey Powell and Dan Dawson. The Mammoth have been without a real #1 goalie since Gee Nash was let go and effectively retired a couple of years ago, so picking up the reigning Goaltender of the Year is huge for Colorado. Boston was a tough team last year, and grabbing Powell, John Orsen, and Greg Peyser only makes them better.

As for the Rock, they picked up Mike McLellan and Mat MacLeod, two guys I know nothing about. But the depth of my lacrosse knowledge is such that even though I don't know anything about these guys, I can still offer some pieces of brilliant insight:

1. Their initials are both M.M.
2. MacLeod is one of six guys named Matt (or Mat) involved in the dispersal draft.
3. MacLeod is the second player named Mat (with only one 't') to play for the Rock, after Mat Giles.

Hospital by the numbers

After our trips to the UK and France, I posted articles listing some interesting numbers from the trips. My hospital stay was certainly no vacation, but I thought some of the numbers from that whole experience might be interesting as well.

 

Nights spent in the hospital during 2010	63
Nights spent in the hospital when my kids were born	2 (one each)
Nights spent in the hospital during the rest of my life (not including my own birth)	0
Number of hospital rooms I spent at least one night in	7 (plus a couple of nights in the ER and one in the TV lounge)
Number of roommates	10
MRIs	1
ECGs	2
Ultrasounds	3-5
X-Rays	5-8
CT scans	10-15 (including three since discharge)
Units of blood received	at least 7
Units of fresh frozen plasma received	at least 13
Number of drains in my body at one time	4
Number of drains total	7
Number of different tubes stuck up my nose	4 (one at a time, thankfully)
Amount of dead tissue and fluid removed from my abdomen during surgery	4 litres
Weight when admitted to hospital	178 lbs
Weight at discharge	151 lbs
Weight two weeks after discharge	141.5 lbs
Number of doctors assigned to me (total)	at least 6
Number of nurses assigned to me (total)	at least 25
Number of nurses who offered me backrubs	1 (but more than once)
Number of backrubs I accepted	0
Number of nurses who asked me to look up cheap flights to Poland (since I'm a "computer guy")	1
Number of nurses who spoke Zulu	1
Number of scheduled daily injections (i.e. needles)	as many as 6
Number of staples holding my incision closed	43
Cost of having a phone in my hospital room	$14.69/week
Cost of having wireless internet in my hospital room	$20.95/week
Cost of having TV in my hospital room (with "premium" channels)	$90.40/week
Cost of having cable TV at home	~$60/month
Watching Sidney Crosby score the gold medal-winning goal for Canada	Priceless

 

This is likely the last thing I will write on my hospital experience. I don't want to turn this blog into a series of "feel sorry for me, I was really sick!" articles, but the fact of the matter is that I was really sick, and sicker than even I realized at the time. I spent more time in the hospital in two months than anyone else I know has in their entire lives, with the exception of one person – and my experience doesn't begin to compare with hers. We now return to our regularly scheduled blog.

Rain: A Tribute to the Beatles

For Father's Day, Gail and the boys got me tickets for a show in Toronto called Rain: A Tribute To The Beatles, which we went to see this past Sunday afternoon. It was partially a gift for Gail as well, since just me and the boys went, so she had a day to herself. Given the events of the past few months, she hasn't had a lot of time to herself, so it was nice to be able to give her a day to do whatever she wanted.

Anyway, I was a little concerned that we were paying quite a bit of money for a concert by a tribute band. Even if the band was really good, $100/ticket is pretty expensive for a concert. I saw a band called 1964 at Ontario Place a bunch of years ago (for free!), and they were pretty good as the early Beatles. But they were basically recreating a Beatles concert from 1964, and so they only played early Beatles stuff. Rain played songs from the entire Beatles catalogue, including many songs that the Beatles never played live. They changed costumes several times, and they had video screens to enhance the whole multimedia experience. It was much more than just a band playing Beatles songs.

The guys in the band kind of resembled the Beatles, though we were in the fourth row of the balcony so we weren't all that close. I did notice that while they had video cameras showing the band, they never had close-ups of any one person. When they changed costumes, they changed hairstyles and facial hair as well. There were a couple of anomalies:

• John Lennon has a full beard on the cover of Abbey Road, but the guy playing John did not have any facial hair while wearing his Abbey Road outfit
• the guy playing Paul McCartney was not left-handed (though I imagine finding a left-handed musician who can play bass, guitar, and piano and sing like McCartney is rather difficult)
• the guy playing Ringo was a decent singer. Obviously he didn't do enough research.

During one costume change break, they played a few TV commercials from the 60's which were quite funny; did you know that Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble smoked Winstons?

The first half of the show consisted of songs from albums up to and including Sgt. Pepper and at least three different outfits for each "Beatle". Ryan was a little disappointed that they did not play "Help!", his favourite Beatles song. The Sgt. Pepper songs were done in full Sgt. Pepper costume, which was very cool. They finished the first half with A Day In The Life, letting that awesome final chord shake the floor for a while before bringing the lights up.

The whole second half consisted of songs the Beatles never performed live, the only exception being "Get Back", which was recorded when the Beatles played live on the roof of Apple Records.  They did a bit of an acoustic set, playing "Girl" and "Mother Nature's Son" (I was waiting for "Blackbird", but no such luck), and shortly thereafter cranked the amps up to eleven to play Revolution. From the Abbey Road medley, the only song they played was "The End" – I would like to have heard "Golden Slumbers" and "Carry That Weight" as well.

Just before the show started, an announcement was made saying that no pre-recorded music was used during the show, but that's not quite true. The band certainly played their instruments, but they made heavy use of the synthesizer for some songs. Parts of Strawberry Fields Forever and the orchestra swells and final chord in A Day In The Life would have been difficult to play live even with a synth, so I suspect there was either some sampling or at least those pieces were pre-recorded. Also, the seriously distorted scream at the beginning of "Revolution" sounded exactly like the one on the recording. The weirdest part was during Eleanor Rigby. The only instruments in this entire song are strings (violins, violas, cellos), none of which were played by anyone on stage. I'm sure they used the synth for this one too, but the weird part was that both "Paul" and "George" appeared to be pretending to play their instruments during the song. Seeing as how there is no bass or guitar in the song, I don't know why they'd be doing this.

The three of us loved the show, and judging by the standing ovation at the end, the majority of the crowd did as well (one exception was the grouch sitting a few seats down from us, who never stood, clapped, sang, or even smiled through the whole show). It wasn't the cheapest concert ever, but the musicians were really good, the music was obviously fantastic, and we really enjoyed ourselves, so it was a great day all around.

Top Ten Funny Song Lyrics

Not necessarily brilliant or insightful, just lyrics that always make me laugh. I left out comedy musicians like Weird Al or Jonathan Coulton (though I always laugh at "one bad-ass fucking fractal"). These are in no particular order.

 

1. Paul McCartney, "Sally"
   When you're away there are grey skies
   And when I'm away there are even more grey skies than the grey skies I told you about before
2. Gin Blossoms, "Cheatin'"
   You can't call it cheatin', cause she reminds me of you
3. ZZ Top, "TV Dinners"
   I like the enchiladas and the teriyaki too
   I even like the chicken if the sauce is not too blue
4. A few self-referential songs, grouped together because they're similar:
   1. Def Leppard, "Me and My Wine"
      You know I'd like to get to know you
      but I ain't got the time, and I'm
      I'm finding it harder and harder
      to make this damn thing rhyme
   2. Alice Cooper, "School's Out"
      Well we got no class
      and we got no principles [principals?]
      and we got no innocence
      we can't even think of a word that rhymes
   3. Primus, "Mr. Know-it-all"
      They call me Mr. Know-it-all
      I am so eloquent
      Perfection is my middle name
      and whatever rhymes with eloquent
5. Led Zeppelin, "Travelling Riverside Blues"
   Squeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg
   Squeeze it so hard I'm gonna fall right outta bed...
   I wonder if you know what I'm talkin' 'bout
   The same lyrics are in "The Lemon Song" as well, but the funny part is Robert Plant wondering if we know what he's talkin' 'bout. Right Robert, that's a tough one. I'm not sure I can see through the layers of complicated symbolism there.
6. Tom Petty, "A Mind With A Heart Of Its Own"
   I've been over to your house
   And you've been sometimes to my house
   I've slept in your treehouse
   My middle name is Earl
   (Important note: Tom Petty's middle name is indeed Earl)
7. Autograph, "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend Isn't Me"
   Don't remember any lyrics, I just like the title of this forgettable song from a forgettable band from the mid-80's.
8. Matchbox 20, "Long Day"
   I'm sorry 'bout the attitude I need to give when I'm with you
   But no one else would take this shit from me
9. Dire Straits, "Industrial Disease"
   Two men say they're Jesus
   One of them must be wrong
10. Cake, "Short Skirt/Long Jacket"
    The whole song makes me laugh. It starts off with a guy singing about what kind of girl he wants. He wants "a girl with a mind like a diamond", "is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack", "with a voice that is dark like tinted glass", that kind of thing. Of course, he also wants a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket. Then it gets a little weird. Now he wants a girl "with uninterrupted prosperity, who uses a machete to cut through red tape" and someone who's "touring the facility and picking up slack". And who wouldn't want a girl with "a smooth liquidation" and "good dividends"? Finally he gets really specific:
    At Citibank we will meet accidentally ["Meet accidentally!" yell the backup singers]
    We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen...
    She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen
    She's trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron

It's not the humidity, it's the Heat

So LeBron James is joining the Miami Heat next year with his buddies Dwayne Dewayne Dywane Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. A lot of people have gone completely apeshit over his decision to leave Cleveland for South Beach, which I don't quite get. The Cavaliers negotiated a contract with James which allowed him to become an unrestricted free agent after the 2009-2010 season. Having fulfilled his contract he earned the right to become an UFA, and by playing as well as he did he earned the privilege of choosing where he wanted to play next year. I can't blame James for making the decision he did, especially after Wade re-signed and Bosh announced he was heading to Miami as well. It's not like he asked for a trade or asked the Cavs to let him out of his contract or something. Do Cavs fans have a right to be disappointed about LeBron's decision? Absolutely, just as Raptors fans are disappointed about Bosh leaving. But I don't get the hatred and talk of "disloyalty". Players just don't play their entire careers with one team anymore, so expecting LeBron to is just not realistic.

What I can blame him for is the ridiculous way he announced his decision. Seriously LeBron, you needed a one hour special on prime time TV to say "Miami"? Chris Bosh announced his decision with a two-word tweet. I do have to say that I did watch part of the special - up until LeBron announced where he was going. I did feel almost guilty about watching it though like watching a train wreck.

Adding to the whole circus, Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert wrote an open letter to Cavaliers fans lambasting James, calling his decision to leave Cleveland "cowardly betrayal" and a "shocking act of disloyalty". This letter might be the most childish and least professional thing I've ever seen in pro sports. However narcissistic and self-promotional the TV special was, Gilbert added a level of immaturity to this whole episode that wasn't there before. Don't forget, Shaquille O'Neal plays for the Cavaliers now (or did last year, anyway). Shaq was drafted by Orlando, won Rookie of the Year with them, and led them to the finals (though they didn't win), and then left as a free agent. Sound familiar? Cavs management didn't seem too concerned with his lack of loyalty when they traded for him.

I don't watch a lot of basketball on TV (the occasional Raptors game and the Finals are about it), but if the Heat play in Cleveland next season, I might check that one out.

Ryan tells it like it is

Nicky is in a summer camp this week called Fossil Hunters, run by a private school up on Hamilton Mountain. On the way home today, I asked him what they had done today, and he said that they made a fossil. Being the amusing father that I am, I asked him "Did you find a dinosaur, bury him in sand, then wait a hundred million years and dig him up again?" Nicky said that this is not, in fact, what they did but laughed at the idea, while telling me that they couldn't do it that way because we'd be dead in a hundred million years. Thanks for that bit of insight, Captain Obvious.

Anyway, as my children often do, they took the idea of burying a dinosaur and ran with it. The conversation went something like this:

Nicky: Maybe we could bury something...
Ryan: Yeah! And then we'd tell our kids where it is, and they'd tell their kids...
Nicky: Yeah! And after a hundred million years, they could dig it up and have a fossil!
Ryan: Yeah! That'd be cool.
Me: What happens if one of our descendants doesn't have kids?
<pause>
Ryan: Then we're screwed.

Oh Canada! Ribfest

Waterdown held its first annual Oh Canada! Ribfest this past weekend. There were six "ribbers" selling not only ribs but chicken and pulled pork, and each one sold bottles of their custom BBQ sauce as well. Some had other sides like beans, cole slaw, and corn bread. There were other places selling Bloomin' Onions and Spiral Spuds, as well as pitas, roasted yams, corn-on-the-cob, and your standard nachos, burgers, dogs, and fries. And don't forget the ice cream and mini-donuts. And the beer! They had beer and coolers from a local micro-brewery, Nickel Brook. I tried the Green Apple Pilsner on Thursday, which tasted kind of like beer mixed with apple cider. Doesn't really sound that good, but I liked it. It's kind of like Corona for me - I wouldn't buy a case of it, but once in a while, on a hot summer day (like today), it's very nice. On Sunday, I tried their regular pilsner, which I wasn't too thrilled with. But I also tried their draft root beer, which was very different from regular A&W or Barq's root beer – almost had a black liquorice taste to it. That stuff was good, and surprisingly Gail, who likes neither black liquorice nor root beer, liked it too.

Besides the food, there was a stage where kids from local dance schools showed their talent, a bunch of local bands played, and at night on Thursday, they dropped down a huge screen and showed How To Train Your Dragon. There was a little midway with kids rides, and a bunch of local vendors set up booths as well. On Canada Day, they had a mountie present for a "Citizenship Court", as a number of local people became brand new Canadian citizens. Nothing says Canada like a mountie in full uniform, except maybe a mountie in full uniform on a horse. Holding a Tim Horton's cup.

The ribfest was held at Memorial Park in Waterdown, which is about 1½ km from our house, so we walked there and back – three times. (Well, two times. We drove on Sunday when it was 35° outside.) We went for lunch on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. There were ballots for voting on the ribbers, and we wanted to be informed voters, so we made sure we tried them all before voting. Plus the ribs were so good, we just had to keep going back. Good thing dental floss is cheap – I've gone through an awful lot of it in the past few days.

There were six ribbers showcasing their wares, and you could vote in each of two categories: ribs and sauce. The ribbers were:

Fire Island – Ribs: pretty good. Sauce: excellent. The sauce was more smoky and had a bit more of a bite than the others. All four of us chose this as our favourite sauce. We had BBQ sauce on the ribs, but we had a sample of their honey-garlic sauce as well (zingy!), and it was so good that we bought a bottle.

Boss Hog – Ribs: Awesome. Sauce: sweet. The meat just fell off the bones, and even the ribs near the end of the rack weren't dry at all. My vote for best ribs, and Nicky's too.

Silver Bullet – Ribs: Very good. Sauce: tangy. Gail's favourite ribs.

Camp 31 – Ribs: Very good. Sauce: tangy. Similar to Silver Bullet. [Warning: web site plays music.]

Bone Daddy – Ribs: Awesome. Sauce: excellent. For me, these guys had the second-best ribs and the second-best sauce. Ryan's vote for best ribs.

Hawgs Gone Wild – Ribs: not bad. Sauce: sweet. The ribs were OK, but kind of dry. Their corn bread was very good and we got two big pieces for $1 (or more accurately, we got eight big pieces for $4). We had the ribs on Thursday, but went back on Sunday for more corn bread. [Warning: web site contains no information whatsoever. Interestingly, it was designed by the same people who did the Camp 31 site. Hmmm...]

The ribfest had its own web site, which could have used some more work – lots of typos and spelling errors. Also, when some pages contain things like "check back later to find out more information" or "we will have a list of events here" during the event, you know the web site people haven't been keeping up. There's a list of the ribbers, but it's not up-to-date either – two of the ones listed on the web site aren't there, and Camp 31 and Hawgs Gone Wild aren't listed at all. But if my biggest complaint about an event is that their web site isn't up to snuff, that's not too bad.

Big kudos and many thanks to the Rotary Club and all the volunteers for all their hard work! This event was not only a lot of fun for our family, but great for our community, and we hope to see it return next year and for many years in the future. Gail volunteered on Saturday night for a few hours, and next year we're all planning on volunteering for various shifts. Unfortunately, it's likely to be at Joe Sams park next year, which is much bigger than Memorial Park but further north. It's not walkable from the Waterdown core, so parking will be a much bigger issue. Perhaps there will be shuttle busses available from "downtown" up to the park. They couldn't get a license to have fireworks at Memorial Park but they should be able to at Joe Sam's, so hopefully there will be fireworks next year. I'm already looking forward to it!

The Ole Ball Game

I was watching a Jays game a few nights ago, and they mentioned Roy Halladay's 8-6 record, as well as both Shawn Marcum and Ricky Romero, both of whom pitched very well at the beginning of the season but got no run support and therefore have fewer wins than they really deserve. I already knew this (as do all baseball fans), but it became clear to me once again that wins and losses are a rather meaningless stat for pitchers. It seems to me that a pitcher is not out there to help his team win, he is out there to help his team not lose. There's a subtle but important difference there. To win a baseball game, you have to score more runs than the other team, and (ignoring the occasional NL miracle of a pitcher hitting) the pitcher can't help do that. All he can do is try to minimize the number of runs the other team gets. Short of throwing a perfect game and hitting a home run, a pitcher cannot win a game by himself. But he sure can lose one.

How many times have you seen a pitcher throw a complete game with no walks, a handful of hits, give up one or two runs, and lose because his team scored nothing? Happens all the time. Hell, there have been pitchers who have thrown no-hitters and lost the game. And yet who, according to the pitching stats, is responsible for the loss? The pitcher – the only guy on the team who did his job.

It's even more interesting when you consider relief pitchers, particularly closers. I remember a year when Tom Henke had a great season but finished with an 0-6 record, and some baseball journalist said that this wasn't nearly as bad as it sounded because wins, for a closer, are generally a bad thing. This seemed incomprehensible to me until he explained: closers generally come into the game when their team is already winning. To get credit for a win, the pitcher would have to allow the other team to tie the game (or go ahead), and still be the pitcher of record when his team comes back to win it later. This means that to get the win, you have to screw up your save opportunity. But if wins are bad for closers, how do you explain Henke's 1989 season, where he went 8-3? Using this logic, 8 wins for a closer should be terrible but he had a 1.92 ERA and 20 saves, which ain't bad. And Mariano Rivera, arguably the best closer in the history of the game, has had W-L records over .500 in 10 of his 15 complete seasons including two seasons with 7 wins and one with 8. Once again, we see that wins are meaningless.

There are other pitcher stats that don't necessarily indicate the skill level of the pitcher – ERA for one. If you have Tony Fernandez and Roberto Alomar as your middle infield, you're going to have a lower ERA (and possibly more wins!) than if you have just average defensive players there. If you have a catcher that throws out 95% of runners attempting to steal a base, you can concentrate more on the batter and less on the speedy guy on first because you know he's less likely to run, and if he does your catcher will take care of him.

Similarly, RBIs are meaningless for hitters, because they depend greatly on who's hitting ahead of you. If you're the team's cleanup hitter and the #3 hitter is having a bad season, you're likely going to see your RBI total drop – not because you are having a bad season, but because someone else is. Or say the guy hitting in front of you last year was a great base stealer, but the guy hitting in front of you this year isn't. Even if his OBP is about the same, you're likely going to have a drop in RBIs as well, since the new guy will still be on first when the old guy would have been on second. Unless the new guy doesn't have to steal bases because he gets more extra-base hits than the old guy, then you might get more RBIs. Unless a lot of those extra base hits are home runs, and then you might get less.

I suppose these types of things are the reasons they come up with new stats like OPS, WHIP, and ERA+, in the hopes of measuring a players skill level while attempting to filter out external influences. There is even an Adjusted OPS, which takes into account the park that the player plays his home games in, as does ERA+. Pretty soon you're going to need a degree in statistics to be able to understand all these things.

Professor Nicky teaches Fluid Dynamics 101

We bought a rain barrel about a month ago, and my father-in-law installed it for us. There's a short hose that comes out of the bottom of the barrel so that you can use it to water the garden, but I was never able to get the hose to work. I'd take the nozzle end out of the clamp and open it, but no water came out. I've done this at least four or five times over the last month before I told Gail the other day that there was something wrong with the barrel.

This morning I was talking to my father-in-law on the phone, and mentioned this hose problem to him. He suggested that maybe there was some kind of cap that should have been removed before the hose was attached, so I might have to remove the hose and see what's there. Nicky happened to be playing Wii in the next room while I was on the phone, and heard the conversation (well, my end of it, anyway). Once I was off the phone, he told me that he's been able to get the hose to work, but he had to hold the nozzle end of the hose lower than the level of the water in the barrel, otherwise the water would have to travel upwards.

I quite literally smacked myself in the head. Of course the water won't go upwards unless something's pushing it, and there's no pump inside the barrel to push it. Thank goodness I had an eight-year-old around to help me with this, or I'd have been out there pulling the barrel apart.

Spammers is so stupid

Pictures from Toronto

I don't usually make a post that's just a link to another article, but here is a collection of fantastic photographs taken in downtown Toronto yesterday during the protests. There are some pictures of the peaceful protestors, and then there are some of the idiots in black with masks from an "anarchist group" (a contradiction in terms) who were just there to smash and burn stuff. If you really believe in something so strongly that you think violence and vandalism (arguably terrorism) is the way to solve it, at least have the balls to show your face while you do it. Otherwise you're just another coward.

As seen on twitter: "Nothing says "courage of your convictions" like wearing a mask and changing your clothes after committing acts of arson & vandalism."

I especially like the one in front of Foot Locker, with the anarchist guy doing the Safety Dance.

Define "fun"

We took the boys to see Toy Story 3 tonight (mini review: lots of fun! Shrek people take notice: this is how you make a really good sequel), and on the way to the theatre, for no particular reason, Gail and I decided to keep our destination secret. Nicky kept asking where we were going and when we wouldn't tell him, he finally asked "are we going somewhere fun?" In my best "I-can't-believe-you-asked-that" voice, I said "Fun? Of course it's somewhere fun! We always go to fun places! When have we ever taken you anywhere that wasn't fun?" With almost no hesitation, he said "The hospital?"

I had to give him that one. Nicky 1, Daddy 0.

Top Ten Musical Ironies

1. U2, "Pop" – Pop is, of course, short for "popular", yet this was U2's worst-selling and most critically disappointing album ever.
2. The Beatles, With A Little Help From My Friends. The song is sung by Ringo Starr, who is a fine drummer but a crappy singer. (Actually, he's not even that great a drummer – John Lennon was once asked if he thought Ringo Starr was the best drummer in the world. John replied "He's not even the best drummer in the band", referring to Paul McCartney. But I digress.) He would never have been famous without a lot of help from his friends John, Paul, and George. The real irony is the first line of the song: Ringo sings "What would you think if I sang out of tune?".
3. Alanis Morrisette – Ironic – A song called Ironic containing no irony is itself ironic.
4. Nirvana, Come As You Are – Kurt Cobain singing "I swear that I don't have a gun" was the inspiration for this list.
5. Various, Jingle Bell Rock and Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree. They use the word "Rock" in the title, but they are not rock. Not even close. As I've said once before, if Rrrrrandy Travis can sing Jingle Bell Rock without changing either his style or the song's style, it's not rock.
6. Five for Fighting. The band name implies strength and toughness (dare I say truculence?), but all of their songs (that I've heard) can only be described as "soft rock" – in other words, wimpy and lame. More like two for unsportsmanlike diving.
7. Yoko Ono. She doesn't play any instrument – I've seen video of her pretending to play the keyboard (finger-syncing?) at a John Lennon concert as well as playing an electric keyboard that was not plugged in. Her singing makes Ringo Starr sound like Freddie Mercury. Yet she was married to one of the most talented musicians and songwriters of the rock era. And he thought she was supremely talented. <head shake>
8. John Mellencamp, Pop Singer. Apparently John "never wanted to be no pop singer, never wanted to write no pop song" but he is and he has. Several of them. Incidentally, if you ever get the chance to see Mellencamp live, do it. I've seen him a few times (and missed another concert a couple of years ago), and he always puts on a great show.
9. Extreme, More Than Words. Sounds like a slow romantic ballad about true love (performed by a hair metal band, although that's not the ironic part). This was even a popular wedding song in the early-mid 90's. The irony is that is you listen to the lyrics, the idea of the song is not "I love you so much that I don't have to say the words", but "If you love me, you'd show me by having sex with me instead of saying the words." Songwriters Nuno Bettencourt and Gary Cherone (aside: as soon as this article, containing that name, is posted to the internet, long-time Van Halen fans around the world will shudder and not know why) have admitted that the song is about sex. Likely not the kind of message you'd want to give at your wedding.
10. Linda Ronstadt. She has certainly been successful for a long time, with Grammys and gold records and such, but at one point in the early 70's, her backing band consisted of four guys named Don Henley, Glenn Frey, Randy Meisner, and Bernie Leadon. They went on to form The Eagles, who became far more popular than Ronstadt ever was.

Gie's a minute for a wee blether

So there's this kid in Alberta who's graduating high school soon. His parents moved here in the 60's from Scotland, as did mine, though he himself has never been there (don't know what you're missing, dude). He's decided that he wants to wear a kilt to his graduation, to celebrate his Scottish heritage. Cool idea, right? I thought so, but his principal has told him that he is not allowed to wear the kilt to the graduation ceremony. Why? "It does not fit the dress code".

Now there are thousands of people from around the world who have joined a facebook page that are going completely apeshit over this, telling Jacobs to go to court, that his basic human rights have been violated, that this is a hate crime... OK, take it easy people. This is not a huge conspiracy against the Gaelic people. More likely, it's a principal who doesn't want this kid flashing his junk at people while on stage, assuming he's wearing the traditional undergarments. Don't get me wrong – I fully support the kid. Not allowing him to wear a kilt is silly, but it's not a human rights violation. "Scottishness" isn't a religion that he practices (which is why all the comparisons to turbans and muslim headwear and such are faulty), so I don't think he can play the human rights card. From the Globe article, it doesn't look like he's spent tons of time embracing his Scottish heritage – never been to Scotland and doesn't plan to go, never worn a kilt, that kind of thing. Now I've never worn a kilt either, and there are lots of reasons why his never having been to Scotland doesn't mean anything. But if he's trying to claim that this is part of his own culture and upbringing, I'd have a hard time believing it. It's not like he's going to get to his graduation in a suit and tie and think to himself "This is just wrong. I should be in a kilt." You want to take it to court, fine, but let's not get all bent out of shape and start calling it a hate crime. That would be insulting to victims of actual hate crimes.

When I was in Scotland in 2000, my cousin Hazel got married, and we were there for the wedding. My aunt told me that I had to wear a kilt. I think she expected me to jump back and yell "What?! I'm not wearing one of those things!!". Instead, I told her that it would be very cool and I was definitely up for it. When I was told she was joking and I didn't have to, I was quite disappointed. Kilts are very expensive, so buying one was out of the question, but I should have looked into renting one. I may never have a chance again. Ach well.

The Attack

I don't generally use my blog to write sob stories about myself, but enough people have asked me about this that I figured I should write about it.

It all began three months ago today, on February 5, 2010. It was a Friday, and normally I work at home on Fridays, but I needed to work at home one day the next week, so I swapped my work-at-home day from Friday to the next Tuesday. Plus, we had an engineering "all-hands" meeting, so I figured I should probably be there for that. The meeting was in the early afternoon, and I don't remember much about it; partially because it was three months ago, and partially because most of what they say at these things is corporate-speak anyway. Once Mr. Sales/Marketing VP starts talking about "key verticals" I tune right out.

Anyway, after the meeting, there were snacks available, so I lined up with everyone else to grab something. I think I got a cookie, a brownie, and a mini cream puff. I took them back to my office and got back to work. After finishing the treats, I began to feel a little weird. I remember thinking "I shouldn't have had that cream puff." (Note that the cream puff in question was not much more than an inch in diameter.) After a few more minutes, I decided I probably just had to "use the restroom" as our American friends might say, so I did. That didn't make me feel any better. After another few minutes, I thought I might be sick, so I went back to the bathroom. After five minutes or so, nothing had happened, and it didn't feel like anything was going to happen, but I felt worse, and started getting light-headed. A minute or two later, I was quite dizzy and my hands started shaking uncontrollably and I thought "this is more than just a bad cream puff".

I left the bathroom to find my boss Mark, but he wasn't in his office. On my way back to mine, I passed our documentation manager Laura's office, and luckily she was there. I walked in and just said "I need some help" and fell into her second chair. Laura later said she almost didn't recognize me, I was so pale. Laura immediately took control and to this day I am amazed how calm she was. She put her coat over me because I was shivering, she took my pulse (somewhere in the 50 range I believe – about half what it normally is), and then called 911. After explaining the situation and giving our address and everything, Laura went into overdrive. She grabbed people from the hall and started assigning them jobs. One person (John, I believe) was to go downstairs and make sure the ambulance found the right building entrance. Another was to wait by the security doors to open them for the paramedics. She called reception to tell them an ambulance was on its way. She contacted HR to make sure they knew what was going on. Someone was sent to find Mark. Jill from HR came upstairs and used my cell phone to call Gail. All she was able to say at the time was that I was not feeling well and was going to be taken to a hospital. (She had to call back 15 minutes later to tell her which hospital.) All the while I was either half-conscious or passed out in Laura's chair.

Shortly thereafter, the paramedics arrived. In my memory, it was only about 5 minutes from when Laura called, and I remember being impressed at how fast they got there. Laura told me later that it took at least 20-25 minutes, so I must have been passed out for longer than I thought. I remember the paramedics being very friendly, asking me lots of questions, taking my pulse and blood pressure, and then lifting me effortlessly onto the stretcher. I remember seeing many concerned looks from my colleagues as they wheeled me out to the ambulance.

Once inside the ambulance, the only thing I remember was vomiting, and then wondering if that would solve the problem. Had I overreacted? Wasted these people's time? It didn't take long for me to realize that no, the problem wasn't solved, I didn't feel any better at all. After about 20 more minutes, the ambulance left for Grand River Hospital in Kitchener. I remember the ambulance ride being quite bumpy and wondering why they didn't put better shocks on ambulances.

My memories of the the rest of that day (and most of the next week) are quite blurry. I remember being wheeled out of the ambulance, because it was cold and I had no coat on. I remember seeing Gail and the boys and assuring them that I'd be fine, even though I still had no idea what was happening. I remember being asked repeatedly how often and how much I drink. I remember overhearing a doctor telling Gail that I may never be able to drink alcohol again, and feeling disappointed (though not devastated – I don't drink that much anyway, as I told a number of doctors). I remember being told that I was being given a painkiller called dilaudid because the morphine that they gave me didn't touch the pain at all, and dilaudid is nine times stronger than morphine. Then I remember thinking "what the hell is wrong with me that I need such a strong painkiller?"

The official diagnosis was severe acute pancreatitis. The main causes for pancreatitis in North America are (1) alcohol abuse (explaining the numerous questions about drinking), and (2) gallstones. Over the next few weeks, I had a number of ultrasounds, CT scans, and an MRI, and I was told I did not have gallstones, so they had no idea what caused the pancreatitis in the first place. It wasn't until after surgery in mid-March (to drain the pancreatic cyst that had formed and remove my gall bladder) that they found the real cause – turns out I had lots of gallstones, and a number of them had left the gall bladder (which was full of "sludge") and were sitting in the common bile duct. One had continued into the pancreas and lodged itself there. This prevented the pancreas from secreting the enzymes it creates, and those enzymes started dissolving the pancreas itself. This, as they say in the medical community, is bad.

If the gallstone in question had simply blocked the opening to the gall bladder, then this would have been a fairly routine gallstone attack. They would have removed my gall bladder, probably laparoscopically so I wouldn't have this huge scar across my belly, and I'd have been back to normal two months ago. But nooooooo, I had to get the sneaky gallstone that went right to the pancreas.

I spent the next two months at Grand River Hospital. Gail and I started sending out email status updates to friends and family; they are all gathered together here. I've been out of hospital for a little over a month now, and the recovery continues.

Update: I've written a number of other articles on my hospitalization and recovery. They're all gathered under the "hospital" tag.

Muse

My wife is a Twilight fan. She's read all four books in the series several times each, and she's watched the first two movies countless times each. Note that she's not one of those nutty Twimoms that scream like a 15-year-old girl when Jacob takes his shirt off – she just likes the story. Or so she tells me.

Anyway, part of her nuttiness obsession interest in the series is the soundtracks. She has the soundtracks for each of the two movies as well as the score (i.e. background music) for the first. She plays these CDs frequently in the car when taking the boys places, so they are now very familiar with them as well (I must say, hearing a 7-year-old ask us to play Death Cab For Cutie or Linkin Park is very cool). One of the songs that immediately hooked them is Supermassive Black Hole by a band I'd never heard of called Muse. (Stephenie Meyer is apparently a big Muse fan – there's a Muse song on the New Moon soundtrack as well.) If you've seen the first movie, this is the song that plays during the baseball scene. As an aside, they really should have worked on Alice's pitching style – she throws like a girl vampire. Anyway, I liked the song as well, and soon picked up Muse's 2006 album Black Holes and Revelations.

My first thought was that they were similar to U2, though heavier. It turns out that they toured with U2 last year, so I guess I wasn't far off. But as I listened more, I realized that some songs were nothing like U2 at all. "Invincible" has a Tom Morello-like guitar solo, though it turns out that's not that unusual for Muse. Not on every single freaking song like Rage or Audioslave, but guitarist-singer-songwriter-chief-cook-and-bottle-washer Matthew Bellamy does some pretty funky stuff with the guitar here and there. "Map of the Problematique" keeps sticking in my mind, though not like an earworm, just because it's a very cool song. "Knights of Cydonia" is more prog-rock, and there's almost an "epic" feel to it.

I got to really like this album, so in mid-January, I picked up a couple more: Origins of Symmetry from 2001, and last year's The Resistance. These guys are all over the map – you could call them "alternative", though heavier at times than a lot of alternative bands. You could also put them in the "progressive" category, but some songs are more guitar-driven rock than many progressive bands.They have quiet sections with just piano and vocals, and others where Bellamy is screaming over his own guitar. On the other hand, if you had told me that "United States of Eurasia" was an recently discovered Queen track from the late 70's, I don't think I'd even question it.

Muse is one of those bands (like CCR, Big Wreck) where one guy is the driving force behind everything – Bellamy sings lead vocals, plays (excellent) guitar and keyboards, and writes all the songs. This is not to say that the other guys aren't contributors – they are both excellent musicians as well, though the bass is a little more hidden on Black Holes and Revelations than on the other albums. Bellamy has an interesting and sometimes powerful voice (check out "Micro Cuts" on Origin of Symmetry) with a pretty wide range, and he certainly loves his falsetto.

I would never have heard of this band or had a chance to enjoy their music if they weren't on the Twilight soundtrack. I guess the moral of this story is that if you are a band that has a chance to get your song on a movie soundtrack, do it.